No Espanol

Today I worked on the cash register myself. It was fun :-)

Most significant was my exchange with a woman who spoke very very little English. I mean, she was spelling out her name and address to me in spanish. Picture me saying the spanish alphabet like a preschooler! It was so funny for me because a year before I was teaching preschoolers the English alphabet and now here I was trying to remember what letter "hota" was. It was definitely one of those moments where I learned more from her than she probably learned from me. And when she apologized and said "no English" I replied "no Espanol" and we laughed. Good-humored laughter needed no translation.

It's a reminder that when kids are learning English language it's like learning a new language!
I have never ever taken a formal Spanish class. French was the romance language of my choice. My first introduction to Spanish coursework was when I was 11 and my older sister asked me to do her Spanish homework for her. (I did it with the help of a Spanish-English dictionary).

Definitely I will brush up on my Espanol, because "hota" is the letter J, not the numero 8.

That moment you realize what the song really says >_<

It's not so bad

So much going on! So little sleep so I must be quick.

I'm officially done with all the paperwork for my job. But haven't done orientation or work yet. From past experience, I'm waiting for that first day to consider myself "employed".

I'm also officially a volunteer note taker. So I'm doing a good deed and getting a stipend, which is swell because I need every penny I can get.

I've learned to not complete job applications after 10pm. My brain goes to thoughts of sleep.

I did a swell job on my PowerPoint presentation! Got an A, and also an A in the exam so I'm happy. I'm so happy because I didn't wait until the end of the semester to present and stress about it.

I did well on my other exams too, already another A and the other grade pending.
Tomorrow is yet another exam, and one more on Monday.
So no sleep for the weary until Tuesday.

I've also been on a cooking spree. On Tuesday I'm going to try making salmon for the first time. O.o

Overall I'm stressed but blessed. I feel this year coming together, and when I feel low talking to people helps. I joined the women's club which seems to be mostly chit chat for now, but even that is helpful to reduce stress as it widens your point of view. I will be blogging for them too, which is exciting.

So to bed I go... Pray for me to do well tomorrow!

Day Break

I can't sleep. And now I'm hungry.
I feel asleep relatively early at 10pm a and woke up around 3:30am. I showered, for some water and looked through some apps to pass time. For an hour I've been trying to go back to sleep and can't. I keep dreading  working at sears, hoping another job offer comes up, thinking about what I'm going to make to eat and all the studying I have to do this week.
I don't feel stressed, just short on time.
I'm thinking I should make an early day of it. Go make breakfast, watch pride and prejudice, do yoga sleep around 10am then study and head to class.

No use laying here ruminating on the less pleasant things in my life. I think I have a propensity to sulking. Or I have SAD. God knows I miss me some warm weather and baby blue skies, laying out in central park and feeling the warm sand between my toes on a sunny day at the beach.

Courting like a Gentleman

I'm sitting here watching millionaire matchmaker. And I'm pleasantly surprised by this one guy who I thought was an empty barrel. He started off playing up his net worth and his wrestling persona, even saying that he likes when women fight over him because it just goes to show there must be something about it. I was not impressed. **double Mckayla Maroney face.**

But and a big but!
He turned out to have a sweet and funny side. He left a trail of skittles for her to follow into a yoga studio where they did a private session. Then he took her to dinner and called her dad while on the date to chat. It was sweet, he was humble, and he didn't drop money/status hints.
I'm kinda jealous :-) not for him, but that's a great first date for me (especially if he left me some skittles).

I'm that girl who grew up prizing independence and not seeing men display affection. It turns me off when a guy doesn't try to be affectionate, especially in a thoughtful way. I don't expect money will be an object for me in the future so I don't want someone who thinks money is enough to hold my attention.

Sigh. Hoping it happens for me.

Pride and Unemployment

Job hunting is not for the faint of heart.
I've had great interviews, no call backs. And so many more resumés sent out. It is frustrating, because although my availability is now limited, I cannot seem to find anything to offer upward mobility or jobs that pay well.

At this point, I need something...dare I say anything. My wallet is only good for carrying an ID right now. And so in that vein I applied to Sears as a cashier. I don't frown on a hard day's work, but I had to control my facial muscles as the interviewer (who looked to be in my age group) explained that although the position is not entry level I seem to be "a promising young woman. It pays $7.25 an hour (minimum wage) and I'll have to prove myself to her."

Did I mention I have a Bachelor of Science degree?

My tuition cost more per hour than this job. Breakfast costs more than the minimum wage, and gas is not far off.


But I will go on in prayer. All things in God's time.

fatigued

I've been sick with the flu, and slowed down by abdominal and shoulder pain. My opinion of school, work, and NY has become worse. I just cant bother with school anymore, A&P and Physics are kicking my butt! I'll be grateful to pull off a B.
Volunteering feels like a chore, I have a crappy class schedule 5 days a week. So when I gt a day off I'm volunteering. NY feels too rushed/cold to live...

My mom told me that she heard a story recently. Someone asked a homeless man on the train how he feels being homeless. He answered that its the tired and sleeping people on their way to work that are homeless because they cant live in their house. They work 2-3 jobs just to pay the mortgage.

Adulthood

You know you're an adult when....
You get a sudden nosebleed and your mom says "what are you gonna do?"

9/11

Today in New York City we remembered the victims of September 11th 2001. The names of the victims we read by their families at the World Trade Center sites where the planes crashed. The footprints of the twin towers soothed mourners with the sound of smooth waterfalls of a million tears. And all over social media sites people extended condolences, and remembered their own experiences 11 years ago.

I wore a ribbon with the American flag on it to commemorate the day, and remembered the stunned look on everyone's face as we watched the news that night in Jamaica. The realization that it was not just an accidental plane crash as the second one hit, and that a third had been headed toward the Pentagon. My heart clenched in worry for my mom and family, and I was saddened for all who lost their lives. I couldn't watch as I saw someone jump, knowing they knew the inevitable. I would soon find out my family was okay. But the separation by land and sea did not protect the island from this catastrophe. We heard of Jamaicans who died, some who were inside and some who could not outrun the debris. I wondered what did this mean? As a child I had no answers.

Today, 11 years later, it is easy to see that nowhere escaped the change the 9/11 attacks would bring. It has made me more empathetic to the plight of people who are
near or far. We are an interdependent world where globalism means more than economics. It means social welfare. On this day, I pray that we all become active participants in peace. The blue lights from the towers shine tonight to honor the victims, the US military that continues to fight for peace, the families of both, and hopefully the dedication of this God-blessed country to overcome evil with good. Truly, an injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere. We will never forget.

Does being in a "military relationship" mean I must be self-sacrificing all the time?

It's hard being Alex's girlfriend sometimes. His being a Marine makes me feel like I should put my feelings aside to make his life easier. It's very difficult to be a Marine.It means living at work, rarely seeing for family, taking care of personal/family business on your "leave days", getting deployed, putting your life on the line for you're country. But I defy that feeling.

When he is home, I am pretty much at his disposal. I would go to work then chimed back and take a shower and go to his house. That would work for a day or two, but then knowing he'd leave soon I would just go straight to goods house after work. I would be tired and starving because I was going non-stop, taking the bus, and saving for a future from a paycheck that didn't allow me to save enough and have lunch too. As you can imagine, the euphoria of seeing my boyfriend did away with any feelings of frustration for the moment.

But here we are now, he is deployed and I am very frustrated. The little things I asked of him that didn't happen take on a greater weight now. Why? 2 reasons: 1. Because now that he's deployed, though I miss him, there's not much of a difference than when he's here. It's frustrating that someone who says they want to marry me feels so ABSENT without a phone available. I would love to tell myself

that if he were here I'd be getting flowers, love letters, cards... little things that show affection and make him feel present. But ad it is, if he were here I'd be taking to him everyday and seeing him for a weekend every few months. 2. I don't ask for much. Like I said flowers, cards, letters do the job fine. Last year when he called (all day :-D) for my birthday I was so pleased. I threw myself a little get together that flopped...(I've only ever had one birthday party) but that was okay. I didn't get any gifts but 2 people gave made a birthday card :) What I was really hoping for was to get a gift from my boyfriend...but nothing came in the mail. Not even a birthday card. And he was in the USA! I made it clear to him last year that I expect a gift ON my birthday. Not a birthday gift when he comes to town. So this year when he did the same thing (yep, still not even a birthday card) I was very disappointed. Because why should I remind him about something so basic in relationships & society? But after my birthday I just Haas to say it to him...I hope the gift is just late in delivery, not that you didn't try. But if you didn't, since you have access (though limited) to WiFi, so send me a gift! It's been 3 weeks now and nada. So yeah I'm past frustration. Im mad! And even though he is deployed and it's hard for him, I had to let many feelings known. This relationship should be conducive to both of US being happy. Not one person at the expense of the other.

Labor Day!

Many people you Labor Day to unofficially end their summer... but not me! I mean I haven't been to Central Park yet! At least not on my terms...

But today was a good day! We went to ken-Ann's. All the kids played in the backyard and we grilled some food... so yum!

Even my mom got on the swing!

I want more (representations of) love from you

So my marine boyfriend probably thinks it's understandable that he still hasn't gotten me a birthday gift because he is on deployment....wrong! He was still here at the start of July so he had enough time to make arrangements. Last year he waited until he was in town to celebrate my birthday...and I honestly can't remember what we did. Which is why I told him not to do it again. My birthday isn't going to wait on his presence, and neither should my gift. while I know it's because he wants to experience it with me because it had more meaning that way, it still gives me the feeling that my birthday isn't properly acknowledged by him when he is not around. He should've scheduled a present or flowers to be delivered...anything. I'm not asking for jewels here. (Maybe if I was I'd at least get something).

August is almost up, although I reminded him shortly before my birthday about my issue with this. I know him enough to know that I won't get it before he returns, for whatever reason. But when he comes back all the gifts in the world won't help him. I'm a romantic person...I want to be held, hold hands, be courted, surprised, be given flowers just because, go on dates, be sung songs and poems, be kissed, and surprised with gifts. All without me telling him what to do (hence the romance and the surprise). Of course this is all much more romantic in person, but we've seen each other less than a month for the past year because we are in different states. He's my best friend too, so he knows me. Alex has good ideas, but A) he doesn't act on them B)Asks me before he does (so it's not a complete surprise) C) waits until he is in town (which is never long enough to do everything) I don't want to make him seem like a bad boyfriend but he has bad habits that leave me feeling... lonely. (But with his " male instinct" he gets threatened when other guys are nice to me.) *** Alex, they can be nice all they want... I seek affection from you but you're not responding to my feelings, you are only responding to yours.*** It may be because of the military lifestyle, or maybe he is just plain stubborn to change his way of thinking. But it's how I feel.

My birthday

Yesterday we went to bear mountain park. It was fun... Paddle-boating, hiking... I only wish we'd gotten there earlier so I could play volleyball and fly my kite.
On my birthday I went to the movies solo... I learned my lesson: never buy the slushie. I seriously peed three times in 10 minutes. I saw the expendables so I didn't miss much... I don't get why they make a movie with a barely there plot. It's all fights no story. And they killed off Hemsworth too fast. The movie was so cliched with the 'all star cast' that it was like watching a rerun. Hemsworth should've been captured or injured to shake it up a bit.

Side note: Are Liam and Chris Hemsworh related? Because of Chris (Thor), Liam is looking & sounding mighty sexy.

Anyway, birthday weekend was good. I just really missed Alex.

Yoga!

Yesterday was the last yoga class at the library. I'm so grateful for it, it was free, it was effective, it was great! I really like to do fitness classes but I don't have the budget to pay for the classes. A one hour Zumba class within walking distance is $10! That's too much for me, and paying for the one or two classes I could afford wont be effective. The yoga class was relaxing, strengthening. We did the mountains pose, the breath of fire, the chair, the cobra, the child's pose and the happy baby among others. The instructor used a french lavender oil in previous class that smelled like a mini vacation. It really made me think of becoming an instructor. I used to participate in these classes in college as well, so even breathing and stretching classes interest me. It would be a great addition to a healthcare career, especially a holistic one. I also want to try Pilates. But until I find a free program or can afford it, I just have to follow the library schedule. Next up, wire sculpting and jewelry making!!

Girl just like magic your love keeps pulling me in... Jamaica

With the team captivating the Olympics, the 50th anniversary, and my birthday coming up next week, I'm missing Jamaica bad...

Right now the DJ next door is putting the right music to the minutes, the oldies but goodies, the ones that you know by heart and that bring up special memories.

And now he's playing the national anthem! Makes me cry...

"Eternal Father bless our land,
Guard us with Thy Mighty Hand,
Keep us free from evil powers,
Be our light through countless hours.
To our Leaders, Great Defender,
Grant true wisdom from above.
Justice, Truth be ours forever,
Jamaica, Land we love.
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica land we love.

Teach us true respect for all,
Stir response to duty’s call, strengthen us the weak to cherish,
Give us vision lest we perish.
Knowledge send us Heavenly Father,
Grant true wisdom from above.
Justice, Truth be ours forever,
Jamaica, land we love.
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica land we love."

Love you Jamdown!

PT internship 08/10

Today was the 3rd day of my internship at ---- Physical Therapy. I got a glimpse of their system PTOS and the health informatics in me really wanted to get my hands on it and learn it. Already I was thinking of ways to make it better.The appointment schedule looks a bit like MS Project but vertical. The colors are so varied and the blocks so huge that I would rather look at the black ink highlighted in neon yellow on printer paper. I got more done today. After two days of not knowing what to do and --frankly-- being stop-scared of helping the patients for fear of causing harm... I actually felt useful. The number one reason I felt scared to help the patients is because the population is mostly geriatric. Some seem frail, others just seem to be in so much pain. And I'm empathetic before I can compartmentalize. But I realize that although they have a sense of independence because they agree taught their workout routine and need little assistance, they still need a trainer. They need someone to at "do it!", "yes it hurts but do it", "yes you're leg is trembling but do it", "You CAN do it." They're tired, in pain, in a bad mood, and some just want attention.
{Side note: it reminds me of when I was introducing tens and ones in math to my kindergarten students. One of them felt so bad that she wasn't catching on as quickly that I could see her shrink into herself. She would start to distract herself, take off and put on her shoe under the table, suck her thumb, and then stop looking at the board altogether. I had to stop the lesson to give her a pep talk. I told her " I am here to help you, your classmates want you to understand too, nobody gets it right all the time. You are smart." afterwards she hugged me, and within minutes she was offering up the answers, and they were correct!}
I'm hoping I get to volunteer in the pediatric or women's department for acute care. I'd love to help pregnant / post-pregnant women or kids who want to PLAY.

Is there anything enlightening about this experience so far?

Yes. "Old people" are extremely resilient.

Oh and my "homework" is to find out what PT school is the cheapest in America.

Aug 5 - Fastest Man and Woman

Jamaica's Usain Bolt repeats and sets a new Olympic world record in the men's 100M dash... 9.63 seconds!!

Jamaica's Shelly Ann Fraser-Pryce repeats her win in the women's 100M dash!
Extra special shout out to Shelly! We were schoolmates as teens!
And to Bolt! I met you (en masse of school girls lol) at our school as a teen!

Aug 3 - Poem

I happened upon this poem today.... It was from the book The Time Traveler's Wife. I watched the movie and loved it. It makes me think of love, and the sacrifices love makes. And how human we are...
(bu human i mean prone to seeking an escape from the regular).

Oh, and Rachel McAdams is a great actress.

Aug 2 - Something I've never seen before

I saw this beautiful caterpillar! I've never seen one that shade of green... And green is my favorite color!

Aug 1- my shoes

They make me feel like I'm walking in a garden