To Alex

I've been reading about hyperthymesia or super autobiographical memory and it's really interesting! It is a rare memory ability that allows a person to recall/relive a day in their life as they were seeing it through their own eyes. Sounds like you doesn't it? But these people can recall the day, weather, what they said and wore and ate, and felt ... but only as it pertains to their own experience. I love your memory, and I think I'd love

to go into research about it, its just so fascinating! But it leads me to wonder if the best researchers on the topic aren't the subjects themselves?

From now on I'll make an effort to vamp up my memory and spend some time recalling what I did each day.

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I fell asleep before it was time to pray today ... its a bit after 3am now.

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Potato boy's uggs came! eeek! I'm so excited!

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And lastly, you must know that I miss you. Conversations, your smell, touch, and smile flutter in my head like new butterflies with heavy wings. I look forward to sleeping next to you again.

**

Stay cool, mon amour.

The Price of Learning

Today in Macy's a woman grabbed my hand and started dancing with me! So I danced with her even though I thought maybe she mistook me for someone else. But I don't think she did! She mentioned that she loved the song that was playing and even told me her mom passed a while back and her name was Lisa, like the owner of Carol's Daughter (I was searching for the Carol's daughter counter). She also told me I had beautiful eyes. I told her she did too, hers were a pale blue-green-gray that looked magnificent on her brown skin. I hope I can be that joyous one day. She told me to have a blessed day.

I did.

I spent some quality time with two of my best friends Dane and Sasha, and I really enjoyed it. I had a dance-inducing Starbucks iced coffee & an amazing jumbo chocolate chip cookie, compliments of Mary's gift card). I kept hoping Alex was there ... I want to do normal stuff with him, like walk around the mall holding hands and kissing on the escalator going up. I really miss him, everything about him. My really good friends are the ones hat bring happiness to my life, even when they're not there.

I also prayed and asked God to help me heal and forgive. I am so angry at Rich. The way he took advantage of me really hurts, I helped him from my heart the best way I could. I really went out of my way, and out of my comfort zone, and now that it is having a very negative effect on me he just lies and lies and shows me he doesn't care. He is so selfish, even knowing I have so little to begin with.

I guess I'll have to just pay the price and be glad he is out of my life. I'm trying really hard not to wish bad on him, but it brings me actual pain to think about him much less think of him doing well.

It is a lesson to me to keep poisonous people out.

"When people show you who they really are, believe them."

I'm going to start spring cleaning tomorrow, there's another person who I have to talk to clearly so they understand they are not welcome in my life.

I am just putting all my faith in God, keeping my head up, and eyes forward.

Happy

In the past few hours I've had one of the best and most promising conversations of my life.

And now I'm listening to Alicia Keys' "As I Am" album ...

Too happy, too awake ... and yet life is somehow too normal to be asleep already ... Happiness that is, ithout the head-over-heels adrenaline rush... Happiness that lasts, happiness that is real, happiness in someone who is blessed and God-sent... someone who is mine :-)

Day 1 -- Family Vacation

Day one is telling.

It's the beginning of a new experience, a hint of what is to come ... even a warning maybe.

Before the tickets were bought, and American Airlines charged me an extra $25 at the door to check ONE suitcase, I specifically said: "I will not babysit on my vacation."

My niece and nephew, I love them but they do not listen... not the first 5 times anyway. But my mom, with her ever expanding and forgetful heart, decided to bring them along anyway. Mind you, she can't even deal with them for a day much less a week.

Already, she has had a splitting headache today and yelled and spent too much. Already I've babysat my nephew. Yes I was sitting poolside, but it's not what I spent a hard-earned week's pay to come here for.

My mom definitely deserves a vacation though, so I decided I'll take them off her hands for a full day. Once my check clears I'll buy her a swimsuit too. But afterwards, I will find a cake and eat it too.

I'll also need to find a toothbrush ... mine fell on the bathroom floor. Yuck.

Pictures are not available because I have my sister's camera and it uses a SDHC card that my computer cannot read. However, here's the descriptive run-down.

I awoke at 5:15 am, suddenly and with the feeling that I knew that there's something I should be doing or am late for, before I remembered what that something was. Oh right. Packing. And going to the airport.

I sit up in bed and pull off the green toe separators. Thank God my nails didn't smudge, I had fallen asleep right after polishing my toenails. I called the cab service and pushed back my appointment 35 minutes. I've packed many times before, but still I thought "this is gonna be hard."

I pulled out dress upon dress, shirts and shoes. I considered just taking the duffel bag of freshly laundered clothes with me and forget packing altogether, but thought perhaps I might need more items -- like, say, pants. So I stuffed those in, threw in some toiletries, my mom's bag, my laptop and my umbrella and begun to coerce my suitcase into closing. I almost didn't shower, but it seems my lack of normal eating habits resulted in an extended digestion period because right then I had to go, now! The "final act of digestion" was upon me like a shadow at midnight... unforeseen and yet right on my heels! So as fast as I could, I did the deed and showered. Got dressed and brushed my hair and hauled out the luggage at 6:29am.

I asked the cabdriver Garfield to stop first at the bank, but the ATM liked me so much it wouldn't let me get an overdraft. You know friends don't let friends overdraft. So in turn I couldn't help out a friend because I had to go to the airport broke as Hilary misspoke.

At the airport the skycap told me 3 times in 4 minutes that he gets tipped separately. Hard for me to do because A. I'm broke, B. He charged me $25 to check the only suitcase I brought, and C. He promptly forgot which bag was mine when I told him I couldn't tip him. So I showed him the bag and waited to make sure he put it on the conveyor belt.

I pretty much undressed in the airport; shoes, necklace, bangle, hair clip all came off for the scanner ... I downed my bottle of water and then tried and failed then successfully found my gate. Boarding was fast, and I made sure to pee before buckling into my seat. I was exhausted, and besides the beautiful areal views of NY and FL and seeing the amazing reflection of a rainbow on a cloud from above, I slept the whole flight. (Note: NY looks like it's a legos structure and FL looks like its the Park Place in monopoly.)

The pilot was great! Thumbs up because I could barely feel the plane landing. I called/text-ed everyone my safe arrival.

I went through baggage claim, paid for the shuttle, and arrived safely at the resort thanks to the kind, brown-eyed driver Tom. Kevin, the blue-eyed slightly-taller-than-me hotel worker helped me out the shuttle and got Chris the-sunshades-wearer to drive me over to my room.

The family was there already, and I could tell the kids were beginning to wear on my mom already.

I skyped my boyfriend Alex, got some rest, had some pizza then showered and headed out to the pool with my nephew. We continued our conversation via phone there but I needed to save the charge so we hung up.

My aunt Pat came to stay a bit, so I get to sleep with my mom tonight!

Waited up for my baby but he did say 3am ... still a girl can hope right?

I miss my potato boy.

And it's my dad's birthday.

Take a walk with me

Good morning!

We're late ... forgot to change my phone alarm from your 12am laundry back to my 7:30am wake up call.

It's now 8:46 am ... and we're headed to Fort Greene, Brooklyn ...

We don't get a chance to really take in the surroundings until we're on the E train. We're going to Court Sq - @3rd St

Transfer to the G train in 3 minutes! I'm wearing heels but we got to walk fast!

Hmmm ... not too many people today ...

The artwork that stretches along the whole wall ... I can never figure out what it's supposed to be. Sun, and ocean and water? Lost city of Atlantis? Weird orange tentacles?

This is also where you begin to get cell signal for oh ... 3.5seconds while walking. Many emails and texts squeeze themselves into your morning commute here.

Got to the G train on time! Not the hardest thing to do ... but hey!

She kept sitting beside me ... hi!

Walking to work in Forte Green

Cool looking place to eat ... the door to the kitchen is almost always open. The chefs look hot. No really, hot -- like sweating profusely.

Where I work ... grade"B" for the Bakery ... food tasted good to me though.

I went down the block to Connecticut Muffin for breakfast. Iced coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. It was here I remembered that people don't usually toast bagels unless you ask them to ... and that bagels taste darn good un-toasted!

Iced coffee was good too ... until I felt ill and threw everything up. Totally not the food's fault though.

So I asked ma soeur to pick me up after work

We got some grub and headed to her place ... actually found parking really quick! That's like winning the lottery in Brooklyn!

At the end, my potato boy fell asleep on me :) Couldn't have asked for a better end to a bad day ... except you know ...

You know.

Oh my God ... This is inspiring

I respect Jose Antonio Vargas exponentially more each second.

Elan

Of work ...

I don't want to say anything bad about work, for fear I seem ungrateful and God takes it back. I am grateful, and it's really not bad ... I suppose I just need time to adjust.

Of life

It seems every other day I come up with one more thing I want to do with my life... I want to start a scholarship for undocumented kids, for anyone who pushes to achieve in life really, not just for college.

I want to laminate or frame my accomplishments. For years I've been hiding my success, my medals have been in a bag instead of hung, and my newspaper articles folded ... I'm going to get some nice frames for my high school and college degrees and make a nice wall of it.

I want to intern at Jamrock magazine. I thought of it before, 2 years ago, but now its here again and I wont forget! With work and now this, it seems I'm supposed to reconnect authentically with my Caribbean heritage. Oh, and it's Caribbean-American Heritage Month!

I want to look better. I'm not vain, but I can appreciate beauty. I don't want to go overboard and have to wear makeup everyday, but I think some nice outfits would work, and getting my hair done too.

Of moving forward

"Keep moving forward" is one of my new mantras in life, ever since I saw that movie Meet the Robinsons.

I want to go to to Columbia University Business School. I always wanted an MBA, and I want to try for the best this time. I have what it takes, and I want to be in their class of 2014.

Of love

I am falling so hard ... and to a wonderful, deserving man. * High hopes *