It's hard being Alex's girlfriend sometimes. His being a Marine makes me feel like I should put my feelings aside to make his life easier. It's very difficult to be a Marine.It means living at work, rarely seeing for family, taking care of personal/family business on your "leave days", getting deployed, putting your life on the line for you're country. But I defy that feeling.
When he is home, I am pretty much at his disposal. I would go to work then chimed back and take a shower and go to his house. That would work for a day or two, but then knowing he'd leave soon I would just go straight to goods house after work. I would be tired and starving because I was going non-stop, taking the bus, and saving for a future from a paycheck that didn't allow me to save enough and have lunch too. As you can imagine, the euphoria of seeing my boyfriend did away with any feelings of frustration for the moment.
But here we are now, he is deployed and I am very frustrated. The little things I asked of him that didn't happen take on a greater weight now. Why? 2 reasons: 1. Because now that he's deployed, though I miss him, there's not much of a difference than when he's here. It's frustrating that someone who says they want to marry me feels so ABSENT without a phone available. I would love to tell myself
that if he were here I'd be getting flowers, love letters, cards... little things that show affection and make him feel present. But ad it is, if he were here I'd be taking to him everyday and seeing him for a weekend every few months. 2. I don't ask for much. Like I said flowers, cards, letters do the job fine. Last year when he called (all day :-D) for my birthday I was so pleased. I threw myself a little get together that flopped...(I've only ever had one birthday party) but that was okay. I didn't get any gifts but 2 people gave made a birthday card :) What I was really hoping for was to get a gift from my boyfriend...but nothing came in the mail. Not even a birthday card. And he was in the USA! I made it clear to him last year that I expect a gift ON my birthday. Not a birthday gift when he comes to town. So this year when he did the same thing (yep, still not even a birthday card) I was very disappointed. Because why should I remind him about something so basic in relationships & society? But after my birthday I just Haas to say it to him...I hope the gift is just late in delivery, not that you didn't try. But if you didn't, since you have access (though limited) to WiFi, so send me a gift! It's been 3 weeks now and nada. So yeah I'm past frustration. Im mad! And even though he is deployed and it's hard for him, I had to let many feelings known. This relationship should be conducive to both of US being happy. Not one person at the expense of the other.
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