Save the Date

One thing about having a boyfriend in the Marine Corps is that you save up date ideas to the point when you finally get together, you can't remember them or do them all. Now that summer's gone and Autumn is among us, I'm longing for that walk through central park early on a chilly day in the morning so that it's just us two. I can imagine me wearing my jacket and boots,holding his hands and looking into his face, with a huge smile on my face because in that moment I have all I ever wanted. Later we'll raise the heat over at Max Brenner's ... because I really want another Chocolate Chai, and we'll kiss sitting under the stars in Times Square on the red steps to nowhere.

Retail Therapy

So today I had a whole list of chores to do, including some budget retail therapy, but alas! I found therapy only in Motrin.

I went looking for a pair of boots and booties. The rain and cold weather lately have been a wet reminder that I am not Autumn-ready. So to Marshalls I went, but within half hour there and only finding 2 sweaters (only one of which I really liked, and it wasnt even the one I needed) I started to feel really sick. Hot, cold, abdomen pain, stomach pain ...

long story short I had to leave, and rentre at a later time.

Here's what I got!

I really like them!

Upset, Confused, Gipped?

Wow. So it seems my turn down Bitchy Avenue is turning up more than I bargained for. I started out by calling his house. His dad answered. He asked who I was, how I knew him, why I was calling. I explained the whole thing, he said how much? I told him $400. He made one of those "Oh my God" sounds but not in English, and after a few more korean words I realized he was handing the phone to Jeena, his daughter, instructing her to explain a situation to me(I think he said that part in English for my benefit.)

So Jeena explained that Rich hasn't been home in 2 months or more. He doesn't keep in touch, and he's been borrowing money from friends and taking money out of his family's bank account. That explains a lot.

I explained my situation to her too, she said don't give him any more money ... pfft. NOT a problem. So I told her he was picking up the money in Flushing, so that's probably where he is ... and now I think his ex-gf has something to do with it. I think he's living with her, and he cant come up with money.

To push the envelope ... I honestly don't think he graduated college now. I didn't see his name in the graduate book, and although we had made plans to meet up that day he came up with some sketchy excuse that he didn't get my text. Everyone and their grandfathers received graduation-related texts that day... hmmm.

I think he's addicted to the lazy life, his ex-gf (gf?) scares the shit out of him, his car smelled of weed last time I remember ... he's probably on crack ... if he persisted in asking me for $20 as a lie to take a cab, I'm sure he really wanted it for drugs.

So now I don't know what to do. His family can't reach him, he's not replying to me ... and the money he was sending through Paypal was actually from his family's bank account. I don't want to ask them for the money, and I certainly won't right now ... but it doesn't look like he'll pay me and I really cant afford to lose $400. I don't even make that much in a week. So if it comes down to it, I'll have to ask them but I'm praying God leads him to fix his mistakes and soon.

Still don't want anything to do with him though.

.:Sigh:.

I really am so upset.

And I miss Alex a lot.

I'm gonna pray and go to bed.

Fuming

This is like the month of selfish people. I will never lend anybody money again, not unless you're my mother or one of 4 friends.

I didnt even mean to lend someone the money, because I really truly do not have it. But they're in a tight spot, so they paypal me money and after waiting a week for it to clear paypal and the bank I send it to them. I thought I was safe, but no. Their bank reverses the payment, and I am left to owe paypal $400 that they are threatening to send to collections.

I am so pissed off it hurts. Because I'm trying so hard to save and make my future brighter, but helping someone out ends up hurting me. It has been 3 weeks. 3 weeks since it happened! And the person refuses to do whatever it takes to give me back my money, instead they keep asking me for $20 to get a cab to go to the bank ... why the eff would I give you more money when you owe me??? And now, still asking for $20 to go pick up their NEW CAR so they can come give me the money. Now who can afford a new car but can't afford to give me money they owe me in 3 weeks!!!

And he acts like I am some fucking female he's used to ... can I lend him money so he can go to the bank and then come and bring me to lunch as a thank you, or so he can come show me his new car, or have I spoken to his friends lately? I am not impressed by you, nothing about you is impressive! You are a low-life dick who feeds on other people's discomfort and think about no one but yourself! I am sorry to say I know you, much less have known you for this long. And I am sorry I took pity on you, I should've known everything I needed to know about you when you squealed like a pig because your ex-gf caught you making a phone call! You're not worthy ... money and flashy cars do not make up for your flawed character, sketchy friends and your inability to maintain mature, responsible relationships. You will forever be fucked over by people because that is all you fucking do! Imagine, you with all your business-owning friends and family had to call me to help you out! And I did not make you wait or take payment you offered for helping you. You cannot buy people, and you will find out that you cannot buy good friends. And you have just lost the best one you'll ever have.

Starting tomorrow, I'm making a sharp right turn to Bitchy Blvd. I will call every number I have in connection to him, open a paypal case, call his parents, facebook his friends ... he will wish he never met me.

Self-ish people

I am so annoyed right now. I spent a lot of money buying a really nice bedding set, and because it can only be dry cleaned I usually lay on it with a blanket under me. So imagine how pissed I am, to come from work, feet aching and the door is locked with no one answering; finally get inside to find that someone made scratches in the bedding thread (no big deal I got it out) and CHEX CEREAL in my bed,and to top it off, sugar stains on it as well. When I asked my sister who it was, she replied she changed my niece on my bed. WHY in this world would she go all the way upstairs to change a baby when her room is right by the stairs? And that still doesnt answer why there is cereal and stains on my bed!! Mind you, she didn't even open the door to talk to me and when I kept asking her questions she turns up the tv volume. REALLY? She is so effing selfish that girl, and I see it all the time. She actually owed me money and 4 weeks later when I'm finally asking for it, she asks me if it isn't better for her to keep it and give me at a later time? Because wouldn't I spend it on something instead of save it? WTF? I worked for my money and had no problem lending it to you, why are you trying to determine how & when it is best to spend my money? Then she made a joke that she would give me my money on my birthday as a birthday present. At least I thought it was a joke ... she did give me the money and nothing else. I don't expect anything from her. As the last child, she is used to receiving and not giving, and I cant remember the last birthday gift she gave me... but the fact that she said it and then did it made think that she really thought that paying me back was a gift.

Her birthday is next month, and somehow, every single year since I have been able to buy her a gift -- right before I do so she shows me her ugly colors. Just today I thought of it, and look what happened.

And now that I spoke to my mom about it, I'm even more astounded by her selfishness. While she may not have been responsible for the cereal, my niece had done #2 and instead of changing her in her own room, she came upstairs, neglected the bedroom in the attic, and changed her on my brand new bedding set. I always knew growing up she would be spoiled, but she really outdoes herself sometimes.

Morning thoughts

Hola all! Or should I now say Olá! Leila Lopes is now Miss Universe 2011!! Congrats to Leila and her country Angola!! I'm so excited to see Black beauty appreciated, and given such a platform to further improve the world!

****

In other thoughts, I have always had the theory that people who study psychology are themselves dysfunctional. And boy, I havent met someone who proved me wrong yet.

****

Also, work wasn't so bad today. I told myself ... "hey ... after the morning classwork, only 2 hours of direct teaching left! And not really because parents start picking up at 3, and if i implement work stations that's an hour right there! Well, that is if the other teacher doesn't switch the kids on me again. I went from working with reading 4 year olds to tantrum throwing, non-listening 18 month olds. I really wanted to spend more time with the older kids to reinforce the earlier lesson and have them practice where I saw they were doing poorly. So next time I will let her know I have after school to do, because that is what I was hired for and I won't take the young kids. (They scream, poop, throw themselves on the floor, can barely talk, are obsessed with touching everything unsafe and going into corners.) I made sure to say I don't want to work with younger kids on the interview.

I also learned that parents want to hear something, anything about their kid at school that day. So lie. Lie, because even when you say "I'm not his/her teacher" they still look at you expectantly and re-ask the question "At what time did he pee himself?" or "Did she do well today? What did she learn?"

Lie, because you need money and so you probably want to keep your job, but the other teacher left and your employer can hear you. Lie and say "Oh yes, she did well! We taught her colors, and the alphabet, and numbers today!" Then you will be repaid for your kindness by the reply "Yes, we were in the car and I heard her counting so I know she must have gotten it from here." (It's a lie because you're not her teacher and only spent an hour with her, and while she did well, she would do better around the older kids.)

****

Lesson of the day, make some time for yourself. I wake up at 7:20 to leave by 8:20 .... usually return by 7:30 - 8pm. That's time that I'm commuting and working, half my day. I need at least 7 hours of sleep, 6 is doable but makes me cranky. So that leaves me with 5 hours to myself, and I intend to use them studying or relaxing and talking to Alex. I find myself falling asleep around 9-10pm and waking at 3am then sleeping again around 5 ... so my hours are odd, but i will enjoy them anyway!

It's so sad that you have to sell your time to live. I heard one parent said they don't have time to help with the 1 page homework because they work ... I thought the point was to work so you can enjoy your life and family? It seems in this economy, so many people are working just to pay bills and provide. It makes me re-evaluate what is important.

I think the most important thing, is to be debt-free. I've never been in the habit of borrowing money, or spending more than I had to spend, so I dont know the full force of how good it feels. But I know enough to feel great that I don't have student loans, credit card bills and someone calling me non-stop for their money.

That said, I will evaluate every choice and purchase for the "daily life effect." That is, will I be worrying about where money will come from because of it? Will I put someone else in debt because of it? If the answer is yes, I wont do it.

All in all, I will save, travel, enjoy life, and be giving ... but will not incur expenses I cannot pay for upfront.

Again

I am exhausted. I fell asleep early again, but this time I get why. I walked about 25 minutes between buses, and then another 10 minutes to my house. Exercise? check, crashing on my bed ? check. I got to talk to Alex a bit this morning, so it was a good day.

This is how the days seem to play out at my job:

Morning

10am: Stretch

10:10am: Have the kids read/say the date

10:20am: Ask them to individually say the alphabet, the 5, 10 or 20 times tables and count in Spanish

10:30am - 11am: Separate the classes, read to them or teach Math/English/Science

11am - 11:30am: Lunch is served, help younger kids eat

11:30am - 12pm: Clean up the dishes, sweep, set up their cots to sleep

Afternoon

12pm - 3pm: Kids sleep, or pretend to sleep, and one in particular chews on their shoes no matter what you do. Meanwhile I write lesson books and take a lunch break.

After school

3pm - 3:10pm: Wake the kids, put away the cots

3:10pm - 3:30pm: Snack time

3:30pm - 4pm: Clean up

4pm - 5pm: Read to them, have them color, give them an exercise

5pm-6pm: Free play, parents come to pick up their kids

6pm: Take out the trash and leave

Since I work with the older kids, I want to come up with better ways to teach them ... but this is my first week so I'm just assessing the place, the owner, my co-worker, the job risk vs reward, the kids' skill levels and my commute. HP has some good exercises on the site, I'm reading about the Waldorf method, and going through an old book from primary school to remind me of a child's interests. In terms of discipline, I just tell them to sit/stand and think about what they did wrong but I'm looking for better ways. And I'm also looking for ways to address their off-hand comments about their family life ("we cant have a dog because we live in a basement and I don't know my father's number") and stories (one child's stories always involve an evil witch, or a brutal murder).

So i'm going back to bed, its 4:30am... still figuring out this commute.

A demain!

Early Up

I fell asleep early ... 9am! So I woke up around 3am, took a shower, made myself a cup of tea, turned the TV onto Friends ... and got on the internet. I couldn't reach my boyfriend but how I wish he was sleeping beside me.

A lot of doo-daddling later, and I decided to take a wedding planning course at a local college (it's cheaper, so much cheaper than at an accredited course in the city & it will keep me company while Alex is in the field).

But what I really wanted to say, is that I loveeee my birthday outfit. I even bought the nail polish. It took me 3 weeks to say anything more about my birthday but here it is.

I love it so much I wont reeturn the accessories .

All for you bebe!

I'm planning my sister's baby shower, and I've got a budget of $50!

Her manager will pick up the tab, and her workplace will be the venue.

He take care of the music, food (pizza! gasp!), drink, balloons and of course furniture.

So, my $50 budget will cover decor, cake, plates, cups, favors, and games.

Here are some inspiring ideas:

Happy

In the past few hours I've had one of the best and most promising conversations of my life.

And now I'm listening to Alicia Keys' "As I Am" album ...

Too happy, too awake ... and yet life is somehow too normal to be asleep already ... Happiness that is, ithout the head-over-heels adrenaline rush... Happiness that lasts, happiness that is real, happiness in someone who is blessed and God-sent... someone who is mine :-)